Have you heard of “Dimitri the lover”?
It’s the age when you wake up and realize (sometimes in horror) that soon you will be 40 and God knows what will happen to your body, looks or chances of landing a husband after 40? I could go on about the fact that life doesn’t end at 39, but that will be for another post.
Let’s get back to the title of this post.
At 35, a lot of women start panicking if one of their life goals is to have a family and they are not yet in a relationship. Thank God a great majority of women in Western countries are no longer obligated to start popping babies out at the age of 16. Most women wait until they’ve gotten an education, work experience and have achieved a number of their life goals before deciding to devote a few years to caring for their babies.
That said, a number of women who feel a bit more insecure with every passing birthday after the age of 35 might decide to settle for Mr. not-so-right-but-available-right-now instead of waiting for the guy who will not only complete their lives but make for great fathers.
This is not cynicism, but it’s a reality. We make choices for various reasons and what makes sense to me might be illogical to the gal next door. I do understand that the feeling of “I need to find a man to start a family tomorrow” only increases as women celebrate their 40th birthday. Women are having kids in their 40s to mid-40s in greater numbers these days, but these pregnancies are a bit more delicate, hence the feeling of panic as that biological clock keeps ticking away.
I read an article a few months in horror about a journalist’s point of view on why women needed to lower their standards in exchange for a chance to start a family past a certain age.
I sent the link to Natasha, a friend of mine, who also agreed with my assessment of the situation.
My quote to her was: “I’ve settled in my teens, 20s and early 30s and I’m done settling. Ok, I don’t know if I’ll ever become Mrs. XXX (that was the last name of one of my favourite male celebrity), but I can assure you that the next guy HAS to have certain criterion or else, I’ll keep at my life alone. I don’t want a fixture in my life that sits at the dinner table and we have NOTHING to talk about. No passion in a relationship is sooooooooo boring … so boring. Also, my desire in life is not to get a man in order to become a mother, but to have someone to share highs/ lows, vacations, adventures, stories AND have the ability to be a great father. I’m so not settling for the next guy …been there and done that. I’m not an animal person at all, but you can be assured that I would buy a dog before I enter this kind of lifeless relationship. Not to mention that ALL of my aunts and uncles had/have that relationship (and I don’t want it). I’ve seen them talk to each other without ever looking at each other. I want to be in a relationship where I actually miss the guy, want to see him, talk to him, know about his day AND I also want the guy to want to be there…I mean “there” all there in body, mind and spirit”.
As you can see I was quite passionate about my views on that article and I could not believe it had been published. You might disagree with me, but life is short and precious and if we’re talking about aging well … that’s NOT going to happen in an unhappy relationship.
If you missed the piece from Lori Gottlieb, you can still read it here: Marry Him!
A month ago my friend Jyotika sent a link to a recorded voicemail from a guy named Dimitri who had left an unpleasant message on the voicemail of a woman he met at a bar whom he found attractive.
I listened to the recorded voicemail in horror and amazement that someone would actually say these things (and mean them).
Since the girl in the story is named Olga, I forwarded the message to a contact of mine who is also named Olga to see if she had been the girl of Dimitri’s dream. She confirmed that she had not encountered any Dimitri, but she was also quite disturbed by the recorded voicemail.
This week our resident reviewer Eleni sent me the same story I had seen one month ago and asked if I had heard of Dimitri. It was obvious that women were passing on this voicemail message because it seemed surreal that anyone would leave such a message but also as a warning sign that sometimes when you meet a guy who is unattached and available, it doesn’t automatically mean that you HAVE to engage in a relationship unless it feels right … whatever your age.
Just in case you’ve not heard Dimitri’s voicemail message, I’ve included the links below. This story became so big that it was featured on a number of blogs.
WARNING: Dimitri is a real person!
1) Here’s a in depth feature that appeared on a local blog: Dimitri the Lover Models the “Real Man”
2) Here’s another story that was featured on Jezebel: Dimitri The Lover’s History Of Sexual Assault, Weapons Stockpiling And Psychiatric Evaluations
3) Here’s a feature that appeared on Gawker: Voicemail From the Worst Pickup Artist Ever
4) Here’s the actually recording: Dimitri the Lover’s voicemail message (simply click on the link to listen to the recording).
Don’t forget to leave your comment on what you think of Dimitri the Lover and of finding love after 35!
Photo by Pedrosimoes7
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